just like the Race Director wrote up profiles on the 2011 ELLT racers, guest author Joe Piabi will give us his take on the Race Director’s strengths, weakness, past performances, and outlook for 2011.
- Inhuman and almost cruel ability to wake up at 5am and be ready for competitive sports after 4 alcohol-impacted hours of sleep.
- Tenacity…particularly at hoops and rock climbing, which makes up for a lack of refined skills
- Acceptance…a zen-like calm on the golf course brought on by a profound understanding of his limited and unredeemable golf game.
- Mad skillz at the grill
(and I can hear the belly-bitching already…what about the home court for hoops and knowing the rock gym and the mountain biking trails and playing the golf course before the triathlon? Those are all advantages, not strengths. Being in position to stack the teams, make some racers miserable, and decide the scoring – also advantages, not strengths. Biggest advantage – being married to The Commissioner)
- Inconsistent outside shot, the jumping ability of a hobbled gnome, and paws for hands.
- A tee shot that consistently goes wildly to the right, a short game that consistently sails over the green, and the putting skills of a concussed and incontinent rugby player.
- A horrible and nearly unforgivable tendency to play Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherrie” at the worst possible time.
- A streak of Polish and Irish stubbornness that compels him to wake people up at 5am for competitive sports.
Past Performances: The Race Director peaked on the first event of the first year and has never come close since. On the rocks at Rumney, the Race Director was one of only two climbers (Danno not included) who scaled and nearly completed the toughest climb. Due to the Race Director having climb Rumney a few times before, he was disqualified from medaling. He was also hurt that year when his basketball teammate, Gary C, ditched him to go watch Bruce Springsteen sing “Dancing in the Dark.” The Race Director’s golf game has always sucked and his mountain biking skills have paled in comparison to the winners. At hoops, every year seems to be close, but never enough to take a medal. Notably, the Race Director also peaked as a grill master in 2008, when he prepare tequila-soaked ribs on Thursday night. He hasn’t made those since and his Thursday night offerings have been, well, just not the same. In 2010, the racers even ditched him to spend the evening at Eric Laphams.
Expectations for 2011: With all the advantages available, you would think he would do better. Without Steve Ball making martinis and with a wide open and diverse field of racers, maybe this is his year. Unlikely, but maybe.