Handicapping the Field: Danno

2011 Overall Champion, C0-founder, ELLT Guide Emiritus

ELLT 2011 Post Race Danno wins

As noted in previous years, a couple quick qualifiers and explanations: Danno built the overall trophy, using an old bike fork and my Egyptian Ministry of Justice medal. He arranged the rock climbing guide in 2008 and 2009. He has led the mountain biking every year (which included an impromptu stop at his house post-biking in 2008 to clean up before lunch). And he has provided the tractor tap for every race weekend. The race doesn’t exist and wouldn’t work without him. That said, he had to earn his 2011 win (and has rested on his laurels since, seriously)

Danno and Gary get scary


  • can climb a 5.11 with ease (and with meningitis)
  • can ride a single speed mountain bike 20 miles over 90% single-track in an actual race…with ease
  • gracious when others are inexplicably failing at simple tasks (like climbing a 5.11)
  • knows his limitations (such as a par 3, par 4, or par 5, as well as anything to do with a pick-n-roll or a cut or a bounce pass)
  • most variable hair of the ELLT (sorry Steve Ball)20120620-183435.jpg


  • a golf game better suited for “goofy-golf” around the Moore or Heffernan estates (“goofy-golf” uses plastic balls and a scoring system based on equal parts cricket, croquet, lawn darts, and fusball)
  • a propensity for injuring himself in June or early July (and complaining about it, even before it happens, in February and March….perhaps the biggest hypochondriac in the ELLT…again, sorry Steve Ball)
  • no outside shot, no inside shot, and defensive skills limited to guarding a slow moving pick-up truck, a keg, or Chris Heffernan
  • a soccer game dependent on flopping and/or complaining to the non-existant referee….seriously, a pathetic sense of soccer self-righteousness.

ELLT 2011 Danno Chistmas time

Past Perfomances:

In 2008, Danno set the bar high for all future 3rd place overall winners: he didn’t medal in a single event (although, he was, of course, not eligible to medal in climbing or mountain biking). In 2009, Danno was shut out completely, despite having a decent round of golf (according to the scorecard, Danno shot par on two holes; and there is no indication Eric Shimp was keeping score, so I believe those two pars are not in question). 2010 sucked. Danno’s foot kept him out of soccer, off the rock wall, and off the basketball court. Before the 2011 triathlon, we noted: “At some point, the ELLT Competition, Sportsmanship, Fairness, and Chowder Committee needs to review Danno’s eligibility, particularly for rock climbing, if we continue to race indoors.” And shortly before the race itself, when it was clear we would be doing a time trial on a course Danno set, we made clear he could only medal if his time was remarkably better than anyone else. And that’s what happened. So he won the overall in 2011, then got shut out in 2012, although his time-trial time was better than anyone else (and three seconds better than the next best rider).

Danno St Paddy 2012

Expectations for 2013:

Going event by event, it doesn’t look good for Danno. He’s a lock to place in rock climbing, provided he can at least outclimb Ben Moeling, Otto, and Shimp. And Eric Marshall. And JP….the competition gets tougher and tougher every year. Danno will not place in golf, absent a hole-in-one. On the bikes, Danno is again fighting the founder’s curse – you come up with the weekend and host it and set the race course, its a little hard to win. So Thursday night, we will take a poll and determine Danno’s over/under, that is, how many minutes Danno needs to beat the next best rider by to win 1st for himself. And basketball….huh….who knows….Danno’s team won two games last year and despite the book on him, Danno’s hoops game has improved. So give him some decent teammates, a win on the rocks and even on the bikes….could happen, right?…..ehhhh…..I give him, “one chance in three”

Danno gets ready to compete


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