Handicapping the 2012 Field: Danno


2011 Overall Champion, 2009 3rd Place Overall

In 2011, Danno became the second non-golfer to win Overall Champion and the first local to ever capture the title. Without question, he laid the groundwork for that win all the way back in 2008…

As noted last year, a couple quick qualifiers and explanations: Danno built the overall trophy, using an old bike fork and my Egyptian Ministry of Justice medal. He arranged the rock climbing guide in 2008 and 2009. He has led the mountain biking every year (which included an impromptu stop at his house post-biking in 2008 to clean up before lunch). And he has provided the tractor tap for every race weekend. The race doesn’t exist and wouldn’t work without him. That said, he had to earn his 2011 win.


  • can climb a 5.11 with ease (and with meningitis)
  • can ride a single speed mountain bike 20 miles over 90% single-track in an actual race…with ease
  • gracious when others are inexplicably failing at simple tasks (like climbing a 5.11)
  • knows his limitations (such as a par 3, par 4, or par 5, as well as anything to do with a pick-n-roll or a cut or a bounce pass)
  • the sartorial style of a Dublin werewolf


  • a golf game better suited for “goofy-golf” around the Moore or Heffernan estates (“goofy-golf” uses plastic balls and a scoring system based on equal parts cricket, croquet, lawn darts, and fusball)
  • a propensity for injuring himself in June or early July
  • no outside shot, no inside shot, and defensive skills limited to guarding a slow moving pick-up truck, a keg, or Chris Heffernan

Past performances

In 2008, Danno set the bar high for all future 3rd place overall winners: he didn’t medal in a single event (although, he was, of course, not eligible to medal in climbing or mountain biking). In 2009, Danno was shut out completely, despite having a decent round of golf (according to the scorecard, Danno shot par on two holes; and there is no indication Eric Shimp was keeping score, so I believe those two pars are not in question). 2010 sucked. Danno’s foot kept him out of soccer, off the rock wall, and off the basketball court. Before the 2011 triathlon, we noted: “At some point, the ELLT Competition, Sportsmanship, Fairness, and Chowder Committee needs to review Danno’s eligibility, particularly for rock climbing, if we continue to race indoors.” And shortly before the race itself, when it was clear we would be doing a time trial on a course Danno set, we made clear he could only medal if his time was remarkably better than anyone else. And that’s what happened.

Expectations for 2012

A repeat overall win is unlikely as the Race Director dunking on Chris Roy. And Danno would need to beat the second place mountain biker by 7 minutes to capture first again (new course, but still Danno-selected and mapped). In climbing, Danno is still eligible, although he’ll need to overcome expectations (higher this year). In golf and hoops, he can only hope for multiple holes-in-one and miraculous Ray-Allen-like shooting. Guaranteed win for Danno: Best Dressed…



3 responses to “Handicapping the 2012 Field: Danno

  1. Nothing like a racer profile to get the blood flowing. The only thing i want Danno to do is shoot 100 jump shots everyday between now and July 27

  2. Well, hopefully, I stay off the DL, and, am able to be the 1st to have consecutive wins…..in more than Best Dressed. The only thing I would like Mr. Shimp to do is ride 10-15 miles of good trail. This year he has reserved the “Big Hulk”,and I am sure he will perform better this year in mtb’n.

  3. Pingback: 2 Days and a Wake-Up: Time for the Overall Odds | East Luray Liars

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